RWBY Reacts To YouTube
by ExactChase
Summary: RWBY watches videos of some of the most popular YouTubers


It was Friday night, the night that Ruby had single-handedly declared "the night when they watched videos in order to bond as a team" so RWBY was staring at the blank TV screen, Ruby trying to find a video in her "suggested for you" on YouTube. Suddenly, a video began to mirror on the TV, as Ruby put her scroll away.

"What is this?" Blake asked.

"You'll see." Ruby said.

On Screen Letters: Everything. Wrong. With. Frozen. In ten minutes or less. Spoilers.

"Duh." Weiss said.

Screen: (Duh)

"That was odd." Blake said.

Jeremy: Cliché of opening narration is replaced by its sinister cousin, opening singing!

Jeremy: We already did the Disney logo with the f*bleep*king castle. Jesus, now we're doing multiple logos PER STUDIO in front of the film?

"At least he's kind enough to censor his bad words." Yang said.

Jeremy: Cute baby animal qualification? Fulfilled.

Ruby hugged Zwei as he said this.

Jeremy: Also, the director said, "I want you to have that baby reindeer eat a carrot, so he'll look like even more of an asshole."

"He's not an—" Ruby didn't get a chance to finish that sentence, as Yang clamped a hand over her mouth. "Don't say it."

Singing Dudes: Stronger than one, stronger than 10, stronger than a 100 men.

Jeremy: Ice is stronger than a 100 men… unless you have a pick-axe.

Jeremy: Is ANYONE chaperoning this child?

"Good point." Weiss said.

Jeremy:This large triangle windows is a "F*ck you" to sleep.

"Not necessarily." Weiss said. "I had one in my room."

Anna: Do the magic. Do the magic.

Jeremy: Animation? Princess? Magic? Disney movie is a go, people, Disney movie is a go for launch!

"Yay!" Ruby said.

Jeremy: Movie rips off the "all the answers are in some old mysterious book" thing from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

"What's that?" Ruby asked.

"Old TV show." Yang said.

Jeremy: This map looks really unhelpful.

Jeremy: We interrupt this animated princess movie to bring you Galaxy Quest.

Yang chuckled, remembering that movie.

Troll: But don't worry. I'll leave the fun.

Jeremy: You mean… you have the power to remove fun too?

"But she won't remember I have powers?"

"It's for the best."

Jeremy: Yeah, because you don't have and never will have the power to tell your sister, "no" when she asks you to do magic.

"Saying no is the real magic." Ruby said.

"You must learn to control it."

Jeremy: I know a guy who teaches a summer class if you want to enroll.

Jeremy: Wait… I know this room is huge, but they still had to share a bedroom in this huge castle?

"Not anymore." Blake said.

Jeremy:So does Anna really not see Elsa for years? The family never gets together and eats dinner or anything?

"Nope." Weiss said. "Not even on your birthday."

Jeremy: Also, why even bother erasing Anna's memory if Elsa is just going to stay behind a locked door the whole time?

"To create a plot." Blake said.

Jeremy: This stunt is actually more dangerous than any of the ice games Anna and Elsa were playing before.

"She rode a bike down a flight of stairs?" Ruby asked. "Even I'm not dumb enough to do that.

Elsewhere..

"Okay, Ren. Time for operation: ride a bike down a flight of stairs!"

Jeremy: Girl with superpowers, dead parent cliché? This IS a superhero movie!

"It's sad, really." Weiss said, trying to figure why Ruby was giving the TV the double bird.

Jeremy: Look, if she's freezing up the entire room, including the DOOR she's leaning against, then her sister would definitely feel the cold, and probably also be leaning against an ice block and not a door.

"How I found out Ruby was playing with unsafe amounts of liquid nitrogen." Yang said.

Jeremy: I bet there absolutely lovely life than they are beautiful.

Jeremy: Eh.. If I were in a relationship with his cartoon I'd probably still hit it if she let me.

"What does that mean?" Ruby asked as she saw the others appalled faces.

"Don't worry about it." Yang told her.

Jeremy: Also, this whole kingdom went for over a decade without seeing the princesses after the King and Queen died? They just… took the word as some random castle butler that the princesses were alive and well and shit?

"Dexter happened." Blake said.

Anna: Who knew we owned a thousand salad plates?

Jeremy: You could not possibly grow up in this fucking behemoth castle without knowing you had 8,000 salad plates.

"I didn't." Weiss said.

Anna:Why I have a ballroom with no balls?

Jeremy: You and AC/DC should have a discussion about wordplay.

"Best band." Ruby and Yang said in unison.

Anna: What if I meet that one?

Jeremy: Um, Neo is a Warner Brothers character, so I'm not sure how you think that would happen, but princess gotta dream, I guess. Or wait… did you mean Jet Li?

"Only 90's kids will know." Weiss said.

"Ruby's a 90's kid and I'm pretty sure she doesn't get the reference." Yang said, pointed to Ruby's confused face.

Anna:I want to stuff some chocolate in my face.

Jeremy: Haha, you women and your chocolate.

RWBY glared at the screen.

Jeremy: It seems like these gloves do a good job keeping the ice from happening…. so why did Elsa need to lock herself in a room for all these years?

Anna:A chance to find true love.

Jeremy:This girl's motivation changed from hanging out with her sister to finding true love in the blink of an eye!

"Much rather kick it with my sister." Yang said.

"Yes!" Ruby said, as Yang threw her arm around her sister's shoulders.

Jeremy: This is a princess, right? Heir to the fucking throne?! Not one person guarding her, or… keeping an eye on her? This kingdom is run by fucking idiots.

"a teenage girl with a scythe could do better." Blake said.

Jeremy:Since we find out Hans is a bad guy later, this little moment of him smiling like he's a good guy while no one is around is a bit of a cheat in the narrative.

"SPOILERS!" Ruby yelled.

"He warned us." Blake said, smirking at the girl's childishness.

Dude:Your Majesty, the gloves.

Jeremy: Yes, everyone knows the rules about how coronations aren't valid if the queen-to-be is wearing gloves when grabbing the scepter.

"What do you know about this shit?" Yang asked.

Jeremy:This ice makes serious progress on these royal items and no one in the entire home notices it.

"I bet no one's going to say anything to the bleeping queen." Ruby said.

Hi.

Jeremy: Is this the first time they've seen or spoken to each other in like, a decade?

Both: Chocolate.

Jeremy: Haha, you women and…

"FUCK YOU!" Weiss yelled.

Can you eat?

I just can't.

Jeremy:Is there any reason you can't tell your sister about your powers now that you're both adults? When the trolls recommended you keep it from her… she was, like, 6!

"Good point." Blake said.

Jeremy:"Falling in love in one evening montage" cliché.

"It happens in all the fairytales!" Ruby protested.

Jeremy:The guard obviously sees suspicious activity but decides, "Eh, fuck it."

"Much like the guards here." Ruby said.

"Again," Blake said, "A teenage girl with a scythe could do better."

Jeremy: How the fuck would they have been able to climb a roof this steep?!

"Physics." Weiss said.

Jeremy: We are nearly 30 minutes into this 90 minute movie, and while the kingdom and the princess are pretty well established, there is no real sign of conflict. And I honestly can't tell who the main character is…. Elsa or Anna.

Anna: Elsa, please, please, I can't live like this anymore.

Jeremy: Dammit all, is this movie doing that whole "simple misunderstanding the real people would never have because they ask questions and have normal human conversations about it" thing?!

"This guy is like Yang." Ruby said.

Jeremy: She would rather Encino Man her sister than just tell her the truth?

Anna: I leave Prince Hans in charge.

Jeremy: With a kingdom that plays things this loosey-goosey, you'd think some other kingdom would have long ago taken over this place. It's not like anyone's actually in charge you anything here.

"Maybe it's the only kingdom." Weiss said.

Elsa:The cold never bothered me anyway.

Jeremy: So… is she empowered now? Or is… she the villain now?

"Y'know." Ruby said. "It was never really clear."

Jeremy: "Horse abandons the hero for no other reason than the plot" cliché.

"This is why you ride a scythe." Ruby said.

Jeremy: Nope. Sorry. Hypothermia. This chick is dead.

"That's too bad." Yang said. "Die, bitch. Die."

Jeremy: Wait… if the whole land is covered in icy cold winter that can't go away because, you know, it's so cold that the sun can't melt the ice then… how is there a running stream for Anna to fall into?

"Because; Logic." Ruby said

Jeremy: Also, if there is a chance to, get EVEN MORE hypothermia, this is it.

"It's called death." Blake said.

Dude:That would be in our Winter Department.

Jeremy: Snowshoes are known for their excellent comic timing.

"Yes they are." Yang said.

Jeremy: Also, this is a terrible way to store bread.

Guy: Foot size?

Anna: Foot size doesn't matter.

Jeremy: Did the writers just sneak in a "size doesn't matter" joke into this kids' movie?

"What?" Ruby asked.

"Don't worry about it, Rubes." Yang said, patting her head.

Jeremy: Well, good thing these wolves have evolved to have eyes that can glow on cue or else humans wouldn't have a chance.

"Tell me about it." Ruby said, secretly stroking Crescent Rose.

Jeremy: Was setting it on fire necessary? Wouldn't the sheer force of being hit by the bundle be enough?

"Being on fire isn't fun." Ruby said, looking down.

Weiss and Blake looked both shocked and confused.

"She tried to make incendiary ammunition." Yang explained.

Jeremy: This is like a family version of The Grey – too bad Liam Neeson isn't here to threaten to beat someone to death over fucking billfold.

"Never seen it." They all said.

Jeremy: I'm sorry… even when you're a cartoon, you should be dead… gripping a snowy cliff with gloves? At the very least, do like Wile E Coyote and crash into the bottom of the canyon with a satisfying "poof."

"It is satisfactory." Ruby said, earning a concerned glare from the others. "What?" She asked. "He's like a Beowulf!"

Jeremy: I like the shot, but… where the fuck are they going right now?

someone: It's completely frozen.

Jeremy: Roll credits!

Am I right?

Jeremy: Anna is a dick to snowmen she's just met.

"So she's Weiss?" Yang asked.

"Pretty much." Ruby said.

Jeremy: Well shit, I can't be upset about a talking snowman, even if I want to be… not after this movie starting out with magical rock trolls. But…

I can always just award another sin here for the magical rock trolls, because it's not like that's gotten any less stupid at this point.

"That's cheating!" Ruby said.

That's right, Olaf.

Jeremy: Come on… I mean, you definitely don't remember anything about Olaf, because of the magic trolls at the beginning.

"I take it back." Ruby said. "The trolls are stupid."

Jeremy: And surely if you remember Olaf, you'd remember your sister, the ice games you played, and getting knocked unconscious… and all of this could be avoided in the first place. Also, when did Elsa's power change from being able to create snow and ice… to being able to create living conscious beings out of snow?

"When she became an X-man." Blake said.

Hans: I need volunteers to go with me to find her.

Jeremy: Aw, man, but who are YOU going to leave in charge of Arendelle?

"The janitor." Weiss said.

Olaf: But I found a staircase that leads exactly where you want it to go.

Jeremy: Gardus-Ex-Machina

"The bleep you say?" Ruby asked.

Anna: You should probably wait out here.

What?

Anna: Last time, I introduced her to a guy she froze everything.

Jeremy: Impeccable logic. I mean, those were way different circumstances – and what, is she going to EXTRA freeze the already-frozen country if she gets upset this time?

"Yes." Weiss said. "Always."

Just give us a minute.

Okay. One, two.

Jeremy: Snowman who has no idea how the sun's heat would melt him does have a concept of time.

"Because fuck you. That's why." Yang said.

Jeremy: So what does Elsa eat out here? Or do magical beings not need food?

"She eats shit." Yang said.

What do I not know?

Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep snow

Jeremy: Now, that's just musical cheating.

"SHIT!" Yang yelled. "She meant shit!"

Olaf: "We totally lost Marshmallow back there!"

Jeremy: Okay so this isn't the "Abominable Snowman"? And you're just basically going to take the Ghostbusters' villain name? Sure, they don't call "Marshmallow Man" but they might as well.

"Awesome movie." Yang and Ruby said.

Jeremy: Worry about your hair?

Yang stroked her hair.

Jeremy: It's a good thing Anna got hit with the icy blast with Kristoff around, the one guy who's made friends with the magic trolls.

"They're bullshit." Ruby said.

"I'll allow that." Yang said.

Kristoff: And don't worry. They'll be able to fix this.

Anna: How do you know?

Kristoff: Because I've seen them do it before.

Jeremy: And… you're not putting 2 and 2 together and realizing she's the exact same girl somehow.

"How did he not know it was the royal family?" Weiss asked.

Olaf: I'll distract him while you run. Hi, Sven's family!

Jeremy: I like Josh Gad as much as the next guy, but he clearly watched too much Ice Age before making this movie. His character is a Discount Sid if I ever saw one.

"My childhood!" Ruby cried out, falling to the floor, clutching her chest.

Anna: Ah! Okay, well, I'm going to go.

Jeremy: Trolls wait just long enough to come alive for some reason so Anna can think Kristoff is crazy.

"Bullshit!" Ruby said, popping up, and scaring the shit out of WBY.

Troll: Is it the clumpy way he walks?

Jeremy: We came here to heal the girl who got struck by an ice blast, but sure, let's do a quick number first. God, this ENTIRE movie only happens because NO ONE says the obvious shit they should say at the right time!

Ruby opened her mouth to protest, then closed it, shrugging.

Song: The way to fix up this fixer-upper. Is to fix him up with you!

Jeremy: OK, so these trolls are "love experts." When did "saving people from icy blasts to the head" enter the picture?

Troll: Only an act of true love can fall a frozen heart.

Jeremy: Oh my god! Use your ice powers to make a wall of ice, and keep these guys from doing anything! Is that hard all of the sudden?

"Sometimes it is." Weiss said.

Dude: Up there, come on. We got her.

Jeremy: No way they ran up the stairs that fast, even in the cartoon world. They should have slipped and slid all the way up, too.

"Can't argue with that." Blake said.

Jeremy: This dude just sits here and watches, not firing, while the queen slowly imprisons his buddy!

"You're a fuck-up!" Yang yelled.

Make sure she is safe.

Unnecessary orders.

Jeremy: Hans is suddenly evil because, well, we needed another 15 minutes out of this script, and also we had two decent guys for her to fall in love with, and this way she doesn't have to make a choice.

"They tried to be M. Night Shyamalan. And tget failed." Blake said.

Jeremy: Also, wouldn't it be logical for the ice-loving Kristoff to fall with the Ice Queen? Two perfect guys, two perfect girls, and the sniveling Weselton guy could have been the villain trying to overthrow Arendelle.

"He used your nickname, Weiss." Yang said, nudging the Ice Queen.

"Go to hell."

Jeremy: Instead, this movie is so focused on trying to pull the rug out from the audience and be surprising it loses common sense.

Anna: You won't get away with this?

Hans: No, I already have.

"That's a bleeping cliche for you!" Ruby said.

Jeremy: More of those amazing doors to a common room they can lock people in from the outside… lucky Anna came to this room so Hans could begin his evil plan.

Jeremy: Frozen turns the "flat metal object that can open doors and start cars" into a carrot… because carrots open locked doors now.

elsewhere…

"Jaune thinks he can lock himself in the bathroom, well he's wrong!" Nora said. "Ren! Carrot!"

Jeremy: Also, how the fuck did he know Anna was in here?

"He wandered in." Ruby said.

Jeremy: Also, maybe she should be dead by now? Elsa's ice tends to move quickly, and her heart's been frozen for days now.

"It wasn't days." Yang corrected.

Jeremy: Guy who wants to kill the queen just stares at her when she drops to her knees and turns her back.

Jeremy: Major sword delay from Hans here. That's supposed to happen in older men.

"Boo!" They all said.

Jeremy: "Act of true love" magic takes a long-ass time to start working after the actual act of true love.

Elsa:You sacrificed yourself for me?

Anna:I love you.

Jeremy: If Maureen Johnson is suggesting the Veronica Mars what I think she is… then that beats my fan fiction and rough sketches.

Yang and Ruby scooted away from each otherZ

Jeremy: Elsa, do you think maybe you could wait until we're not standing out in the middle of a frozen lake to start thawing the whole city?

Jeremy: Also, Elsa masters her newfound love magic INSTANTLY. Shit, she still doesn't know how to use her ice powers properly without killing people!

Jeremy: I'm calling bullshit on this "they were on a boat the whole time" nonsense here, because they are CLEARLY not on a boat back before the thawing started.

Jeremy: We never really got an answer on how her ice magic managed to create a sentient being. But fuck it, I guess. We've got ice-skating to do.

"It's for kids. Not adults." Blake said.

Jeremy: These assholes had no idea Hans had turned evil. That all happened down at the ice lake, in the middle of the blizzard they couldn't see through… but hey, the princess just punched a dude, so yuk it up everyone!

"She can do whatever the hell she wants." Weiss said. "It seems to be an absolute monarchy."

Jeremy: I'm pretty sure you can't leave your boat frozen in the middle of the lake all winter and then have it work just fine.

"Dad learned that the hard way." Ruby and Yang said.

Jeremy: We're not sure how to end this thing. Eh, just slowly pull back and swell up the music.

Jeremy: Also, an island kingdom, a long-unseen princess locked away, horse/reindeer playfulness, wild-scoundrel love interest… I swear to god this movie and Tangled started out as the same script.

"Yeah, pretty much." Blake said.

Movie Sin tally: 96

Sentence: Death By Poison

(sandwiches)

Ruby looked down at the sandwich she was eating, having made it with her semblance. Yang noticed this, and turned to her little sister. "Don't worry, Rubes. It'll kick in soon."

Ruby had just swallowed the first bite, and froze. "What will?"

Yang got up and walked out.

"What will? Yang?! Yang?!"


End file.
